by John Mercer - EasyCalm
As many of you already know, I talk a lot about personal responsibility and I believe that none of us are victims. We are all actively involved in the process of creating our lives every single day.
And even though many people would agree with this statement, it can be easy to slip back into that old "victim" mindset from time to time. After all, it can seem pretty comfortable being a victim: it reminds us of being infants when all our needs where attended to by someone else. And at that stage of development, we truly were "victims."
But as good as it may feel to play the victim sometimes, doing so also strips us of our power. We become helpless to the forces around us, including anxiety, stress and panic.
So it is of utmost importance to throw away any idea of victimization, and accept 100% responsibility for our lives--the good AND the bad.
This last point can be hard for some people to accept at first. In fact, it was very hard for me at first. I was more than willing to take responsibility for the good things, but, like many people, I resisted taking responsibility for the bad things.
It seemed too much like "beating myself up" and I knew that was counterproductive.
The idea that we are personally responsible for the bad things in our lives--even the things we are complaining about--can be a hard pill to swallow. But once you "get" this concept, and begin to assume responsibility for everything in your life, it is very empowering.
It gives you back a certain level of control, and you stop waiting for someone or something outside yourself to rush in and "fix" the situation. Because the fact is, no one can fix your situation. We all have to do it ourselves.
Now, keeping this idea of personal responsibility in mind, let's talk about what you are putting out into the world. What I'm talking about here is the balance that exists between what you are giving, and what you're getting.
The thing is, these two are very closely related. What you get is largely determined by what you give. So if you're not getting the results you want in your life, you need to take a good look at what you were putting out there.
Now right at this point is where I lose some people. They will say, "This all sounds great, but I haven't seen any evidence of this in my life--can you prove what you're saying?"
I can really relate to this question and the skepticism behind it because I too felt this way for many years. I didn't see the connection between what I was "putting out into the world" and what I was getting back.
In fact, it seemed pretty random to me. But when I began to take a closer look at it, I did begin to see the connection--very clearly in fact.
And if you will think about your own life and your experiences, you will probably see the connection too. If this concept seems too "out there" for you, just look at it from a strictly scientific point of view: "like causes produce like effects."
In other words, "If you keeping doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results." And that is not only common sense, it is the standard all good science is based on.
So, understanding this concept, what do you need to do to get more of the results you want and less of what you don't? Being the "listmaker" I am, I have compiled a few ideas to think about. These go beyond "fixing" anxiety and into the realm of helping you live a better life in every area.
1. Feel GREAT about where you are are right now. Focus on what is good about your situation and who you are. Remember, it is easier to improve upon a good situation than to turn around a bad situation.
2. Don't think in terms of lack (what you are missing); think in terms of going toward good things, NOT trying to get away from the bad (anxiety for example).
3. Do as many things as you possibly can that make you feel good. Feeling good is so important, especially feeling good about yourself. People are naturally attracted to others who radiate positive feelings about themselves. Anything that makes you happy will help your life in a million ways.
4. Do things for others when it does not benefit you at all, and wanting nothing from them in return (not even a thank you). Help out someone just to do it--no other reason. As you begin to do this, you will notice an unusual law of nature. You can not give to others and receive nothing back. It never happens. What goes around DOES come around.